it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
