I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
