the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
