Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
