Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
