I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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