Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
