i need an iv and a liver transplant
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
