i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Of course I have a pirate flag
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
