dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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