Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
