Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
