So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
