i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
