My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
