yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
