just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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