i permit you to call me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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