Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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