he shaved USA in his pubs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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