How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
