4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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