All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
