I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
