dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
