she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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