Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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