dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
