apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
