oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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