I'm sorry my penis didn't work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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