were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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