I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
