All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
