I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We left an ass print on the piano.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
