Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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