It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
