hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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