Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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