we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
