I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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