I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
