The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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