So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
