Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
