ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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