Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
