Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
