CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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