Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
