you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
