Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
